Oblivious

Author: Lia
Rating: NC-17
Archiving: All FQF will be archived solely at this site until September 30th, 2005. After that, it's yours to do with as you will.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. I do not own Harry Potter, its characters, or anything associated with it. I'm not making any money from this story, and I don't intend to.
Challenge & Summary: Challenge OC #04: Enough is Enough! The puppies are sick and tired of Harry being completely oblivious to their relationship. How do they tell him (bonus points if you can involve a third party who is NOT one of the trio!) - AU as Sirius never fell beyond the veil and after OotP had been given his full pardon. The pups have a full house at Christmas and Harry's the only one who doesn't realise his godfather and Remus are more than just "friends". Who finally spills the beans?
Author Notes: Thanks to my wonderful beta Tamony. *smooch* And as always, I dedicate this fic to everyone who participates and reads the FQF without you guys, there wouldn't be a fest. Next time, it'll be smoother sailing. :-)

Christmas came to Number Twelve Grimmauld Place with scents Sirius never smelled within its walls when he was a child. The scents of cinnamon and nutmeg gently wafting through the air were the norm these days, the aroma coming from something Remus was cooking rather than the ugly perfume Sirius mother used to wear. There never were the comforting smells children associated with Christmas when Sirius and Regulus were younger, but rather the two were forced to endure the acrid scents of potions brewing. Sirius found he rather enjoyed this version of Christmas, even though his darling Mother found every opportunity to shout her displeasure.

So what else was new?

Remus was bound and determined to give Sirius what he termed an "Old Fashioned Christmas" every year they were together and for the past three years he had succeeded admirably. From the real pine tree in the sitting room they decorated two weeks before Christmas to the nutty (and nicely alcoholic, complements of Sirius's firewhiskey stash in the basement) Egg Nog they shared, curled up together on the sofa in front of a roaring fire -- Sirius finally began to enjoy his Christmases as a free man.

It was even better having his godson around to share in these new memories. With Voldemort defeated once and for all, there was no need for Harry to return to the Dursleys' after his Hogwarts graduation and Sirius legally adopted Harry once he was finally cleared of all charges. Harry was more than happy to leave the Dursleys' and Sirius was happy to have his family under one roof.

Heading into the kitchen, Sirius placed himself behind Remus, slipping his arms around his waist and pushing his hair out of the way with his nose.

"Something smells good," Sirius said, nuzzling the side of Remus's neck. He lightly licked the spot he had just sniffed and felt Remus relax against him completely.

"Don't do that..." Remus whispered, leaning back against Sirius. Though his words said to stop, the way he pressed against Sirius said something else entirely. "H-Harry could come in," Remus finished, trying to catch his breath.

"He could probably catch me with my cock in your arse and ask if we had any more chocolate," Sirius mumbled, running his tongue along the shell of Remus's ear. "Which we don't by the way."

Remus pushed away from Sirius abruptly. "We don't!?"

Sirius chuckled. "No. I spread it over you and ate it off you piece by piece last night, remember?"

A slight flush came to Remus's cheeks, remembering just where Sirius had put the chocolate, waiting for it to melt and then slowly licking it off him... his tongue...

Sirius moved closer, turning slightly to be face-to-face with Remus. The way he moved was with practised precision and with a small step, he could move so that his body was flush against Remus's, the barest brush of an erection fitting into the hollow of Remus's hip. Closing his eyes, Remus ran his hands along Sirius's thighs, feeling Sirius's muscles contract under his fingertips.

"Remember, Remus...? How the chocolate melted and I licked it off your body, piece by piece," Sirius whispered, rubbing slowly against Remus.

Remus reacted to Sirius's body as he always did, his lips parting slightly as a soft moan escaped his lips. Neither one saw the dark-haired boy enter the kitchen just then.

"Remus, is something wrong?"

Sirius never moved. For the past year, Sirius had been staging these little rendezvous to get Harry to "catch them in the act" but thus far, none of his scenarios had worked. Harry had never caught them red-handed, so to speak...

...until now.

Feeling as if his face was on fire, Remus turned away from Sirius and forced himself to look Harry in the eye.

"No, nothing's wrong," Remus replied, willing the blush to go away and wishing Sirius would step away from him to at least allow a sliver of light between them.

Shrugging and completely oblivious as to their closeness, Harry began to rummage through the cupboards. Remus stood there dumbfounded. No one could be that dense.

"Is there any chocolate left?" he asked, glancing at Remus out of the side of his eye, "Or did you eat the last of it?"

Knowing Sirius would most likely say something the two of them would regret, Remus managed to reply first. "It's all gone. Sirius ate the last of it last night."

Harry's eyebrow shot up in the air. "Sirius?" He rolled his eyes. "There were two kilos of it left. Your animagus form should have been a pig instead of a dog." He shook his head. "Pig," he reiterated, rifling through the cupboards for something else to eat.

Sirius shrugged, looking fairly pleased with himself. "I was hungry. Besides, it went to good use." Another blush flitted across Remus's cheeks which went completely unnoticed by Harry.

"Fine. Buy some more when you go out today," he said, grabbing a handful of crisps from the bag on the counter and exiting the kitchen.

The two simply stared after Harry, unable to believe there hadn't been more of a reaction. Either he simply didn't get it or he accepted it and didn't feel it warranted any sort of reaction. Somehow, Remus was inclined to believe the former and had a feeling Sirius would agree with him.

"You have to tell him," Sirius said, pulling away from Remus with a brief kiss, hoisting himself up onto the counter.

"ME!?" Remus squeaked. "Why me?"

"Because," Sirius said, drawing Remus into the space he created between his legs, leaning down to kiss him. "You're the cute, sexy one. And you know how to talk about these things."

Remus shook his head. "You just don't want to have the sex talk with your godson. 'Two men have sex by one sticking their arse in the air and the other shoving a cock inside...'"

Rolling his eyes, Sirius swatted at Remus playfully. "Prat. You know it's nothing like that." He grinned after a moment. "Sometimes you're on your back and I'm shoving my cock in your arse."

Raising himself up onto his tiptoes, Remus lightly kissed Sirius on the lips. "Wouldn't mind having that cock of yours inside me right now," he said, loosely draping his arms around Sirius's neck.

"So you'll talk to Harry?"

Remus shook his head. "No. This is something he'll just have to figure out on his own."

Sirius sighed, dropping his head onto Remus's shoulder. "With the way he's going, we'll both be old men before that happens."

"Yes," Remus said, holding a finger up with a grin, "but neither of us will have to talk to him about it."

Leaning forward, Sirius kissed the tip of Remus's finger. "Oh no you don't. Find someone to talk to him about it. Someone he'll least suspect."

***

CRASH.

The crash was followed by a wail of pain and Mrs Black waking up immediately to express her complete displeasure with the current state of her home. Between the holly and garland around her picture and the tiny lights charmed to sparkle all about the house, the woman was not a happy camper. Sirius was busy serving up Egg Nog and left the quieting of his Mother to Remus.

"HALF-BREEDS! FILTH! BLOOD TRAITORS! DEFILING THE HOUSE OF MY FATHERS WITH THIS... CHRISTMAS CHEER! NO SON OF MINE..."

Running into the anteroom, Remus passed by Tonks who was sprawled out on the floor next to the umbrella stand.

"Be with you in a moment," Remus said in a rush, hurrying to the curtain.

"Don't worry about it!" Tonks called after him, straightening the umbrella stand, then righting herself. "I'm fine and Bill will be along in a moment anyway."

Skidding to a halt in front of the portrait, Remus grabbed the drapes and pulled. They slid back into place with some effort as if Mrs Black didn't want her complaints silenced. At last, relative silence was restored to the house -- the only noise came from the back rooms where the party was beginning to take shape.

Remus headed back to the foyer where he left Tonks in a heap. Both she and the umbrella stand had since been righted and Bill had joined the melee. Remus smiled warmly at them both, wondering how he was going to talk to Tonks with Bill hanging around.

With Remus's hesitation around them, Bill seemed to sense something was afoot. He raised a brow, but said nothing. Dropping a kiss on Tonks's cheek, he made a quick exit, leaving Tonks alone with Remus.

Tonks, on the other hand, wasn't so standoffish.

"Alright, what's going on and why are you more uptight than usual?"

"I am not uptight!" Remus retorted, feeling like a child in the way he spoke. "I just..." He sighed. "I need a favour."

"A favour from me?" Tonks asked, raising an eyebrow.

Remus nodded. "Yes. Sirius... Er... Sirius and I..." Remus ran a hand through his hair. "Merlin, I don't even know how to say this."

Tonks chuckled. "This is something new. I've never known you to be speechless."

"How true. Fine, then I'll just say it without ceremony. Harry is being a dense prat, in Sirius's words, and he and I want you to talk to him about us."

Tonks blinked once, then twice. "Did I just hear you correctly? You want me to talk to him about you?"

"Yes."

"Wouldn't it be better coming from one of you?" Tonks asked.

"Most likely, but neither of us really wants to talk gay sex ed with our godson."

Tonks paled visibly. "If you think I'm doing that, you've got another bloody thing coming."

Remus let out a bark of a laugh. "No, I don't. Just tell him the first part... we'll..." Remus sighed. "We'll take care of the rest. Can you do it for us?"

"I really don't have a choice, do I?"

"Thanks, Tonks."

Tonks shook her head. "He has no idea you're together?"

"None."

Tonks whistled low. "You two aren't the most discreet couple to ever walk the face of the earth."

"Hence why we need you," Remus said, giving Tonks a kiss on the cheek. "Tell him once we both have left the room, okay? I think it would be better if we weren't present."

"Whatever you want Remus," Tonks replied, putting an arm around his shoulders. Together the two re-joined the festivities. "Remember, you owe me for this."

"I had a feeling you'd say that."

***

The rest of the afternoon passed without incident. Tonks kept her eyes peeled for the 'signal', not at all looking forward to the task at hand and her hair showed it. She had arrived with red and green spiked hair (for the festive holiday look) but it had since wilted to a solid green colour. Even Bill had noticed but she waved him off, saying she'd explain later that night. He hadn't argued.

Late afternoon arrived and at last, the signs began to appear.

"Harry," Remus said, leaning down to whisper in his ear, "I'm not feeling well and I'm heading upstairs for a bit. If anyone needs me, I'll be in my room."

Harry nodded vaguely, not even glancing at Remus to break away from his conversation. About ten minutes later, Sirius finally left the party, making no excuses himself. Tonks shook her head. Only those two would leave a party for a half hour to shag. But then again, she really couldn't blame them. They had a lot of lost time to make up. Sirius now gone, Tonks had her signal to go talk to Harry.

"Harry, could I talk to you for a minute?" Tonks asked once she had reached the corner Harry had holed himself up in with Ron and Hermione.

"Sure thing," Harry replied, excusing himself from his two best friends.

Leading Harry away, the two made their way through the party and into the kitchen where they would have a relative amount of privacy. Not that it really mattered of course, as it seemed everyone in the whole world knew about the relationship between the two men.

Well, everyone except Harry, it seemed.

Tonks's hair was a funny shade of green, something he had never seen her wear. Harry wondered if she wasn't feeling well but before he could inquire about her health, she began to speak.

"Harry... have you ever known..." she trailed off, looking rather uncomfortable and muttering a few choice phrases under her breath that Harry could only catch snippets of.

"Tonks, what is it?"

Taking a deep breath, Tonks took a seat at the kitchen table and motioned for Harry to sit next to her. He did so without questioning, though his face was the picture of confusion.

"Harry, have you ever met a guy... who was attracted to another guy?"

"Sure," Harry said with a shrug. "Everyone knew Seamus and Dean were mad for each other but they never said a thing until we left school. Something about not wanting to make us other blokes uncomfortable because we were rooming with them. There was a rumour about Ernie too... and a couple other Ravenclaws... and..."

Tonks held up a hand. "Good, good... that makes this easier..."

"Makes what easier?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow.

Turning to face Harry, Tonks just looked at him. How thick could you get?

"Harry... you do know that you know a couple other... uh... gay wizards, right?"

Chewing on his lower lip, Harry seemed to honestly think about the question. When he answered in the negative, Tonks felt like banging her face against the kitchen table. It wasn't like Sirius and Remus were the most discreet of men, at least not lately. Some of the looks exchanged between the two of them were hot enough to ignite fires. How could Harry miss that? And now... she had to explain this to him?

Oh, she was going to kill Remus. The minute she saw him next, he was a dead man.

"Yes, you do, Harry. They're in this house right now."

Maybe she could get him to figure it out on his own. He was a smart boy.

His brow furrowed in concentration once more as he went through the men here. There was Sirius, but that was preposterous, and the same went for Remus. Ron was dating Hermione right now and there was himself (and he knew he wasn't gay). Snape was around... though the jury was out on him, Arthur was married... and the rest of the Ex-Order members and Weasleys Harry knew to either be married or have girlfriends... or had girlfriends at one time.

"Snape?" Harry asked. "'s the only one I can think of."

Tonks wished she hadn't taken a drink of water. She laughed so hard, the water came out her nose, spraying Harry and the table-top. It was Harry who cast the drying spells as Tonks didn't trust herself.

"No, Harry," Tonks said through peals of laughter. "It's Sirius and Remus, you great ox."

The laughter threw him. If she had said it with a straight face, then maybe, just maybe he would have believed her. However, like this... Harry snorted.

"Nice one, Tonks. Which of them put you up to this? Sirius to try and see how gullible I am? Well, tell him I'm not falling for it."

Tonks's laughter died down at last as her hair began to change back to its standard pink colour with some effort of concentration on her part.

"No, it wasn't Sirius, it was Remus if you must know."

Harry's eyes widened. "You can't be fucking serious," Harry said, shaking his head. "Remus asking me to tell you that he and my godfather are shagging? No way."

This was beginning to border on ridiculous. He flat out refused to believe what Tonks said. There was no way Sirius and Remus were shagging.

Tonks shrugged. "No, Remus is. That's what I've been trying to tell you for the past half hour."

There were some things Harry would accept as fact: Voldemort (before the man was good and dead anyway) was evil, Pure-Blood mania was just plain stupid, and the Chudley Canons would probably never win three games in a row. However, there was one thing Harry would never accept.

His godfather and Remus Lupin were not shagging.

Harry laughed, clapping Tonks on the shoulder. "Nice joke, Tonks. I suggest you lay off the Egg Nog for a bit. I think Sirius slipped a bit more firewhiskey in this batch than usual."

Tonks, on the other hand, felt like pulling her hair out. The 'Boy-Who-Lived', who was now called the 'Boy-Saviour' could not be this dense. Well, then again... she had heard some of the stories about James from Remus. Brilliant when it came to his schoolwork, but on the matters of common sense he was dumb as a post. Sighing to herself, Tonks looked at Harry.

"Harry, do you see either Sirius or Remus around right now?"

Glancing about Number Twelve, and though it was packed with celebrating Weasleys and other ex-Order members, Harry could see neither hide nor hair of the pair. His brow furrowed slightly as he turned back to Tonks.

"No, I don't, but that means nothing."

"Yes it does," She replied. "It means they're upstairs shagging on Christmas day and you could probably go upstairs if you'd like, but it's something I wouldn't recommend. I suggest you just take me at my word and leave it at that." Tonks grinned, her face lighting up. "Have I ever steered you wrong, Harry?"

Harry simply looked sullen as he pushed his chair back from the table.

"Really, Harry, I was joking when I said to go upstairs. I wouldn't suggest it."

"Well," Harry said, ticking the points off on his fingers, "if you were joking about going upstairs, what else were you joking about? I'm going to find out for myself."

Turning on his heel, Harry left Tonks sitting alone at the table and marched upstairs determined to prove Tonks wrong. Honestly. His godfather and Remus shagging? Nothing could be more preposterous. He'd never seen anything between them that would even suggest they were more than just friends.

But they have been giving you presents together for the past few years, a voice in the back of his mind reminded gently.

"Yes, but that's because Remus is poor and Sirius is rich," he mumbled under his breath.

And how often do you see them together, or touching each other...?

"Doesn't matter, they're close," Harry argued with himself. "Who knows, I could be like that with Ron some day."

Marching up to Remus's room, he threw open the door without ceremony and found it to be completely empty. Vaguely, in the back of his mind, he remembered Remus saying he was going upstairs for a nap. If he was going to take a nap, why wasn't he in his room?

A sinking feeling began to settle in the pit of Harry's stomach.

Harry began to walk towards Sirius's room, feeling as if he should just go back downstairs, but he couldn't reverse directions. It was as if he was guided by some invisible force drawing him nearer and nearer.

Curiosity killed the cat, Harry.

He stopped with his hand on the doorknob. "But satisfaction brought him back," he mumbled, pushing the door open.

If only he hadn't taken that last step and opened the door. If only he had just believed Tonks when she said Sirius and Remus were shagging.

No one should have to witness it. It was as bad as walking in on one's parents.

There was Remus, his legs in the air and Sirius... thrusting... oh God.

It was like a train wreck: as much as he knew he should look away he couldn't.

Harry wasn't sure how long he stood there (it felt like an eternity, but he knew it was only a minute), watching Sirius's arse as it moved back and forth with each thrust, or Remus's hands as they slid along Sirius's back. When the moans started and Harry saw Sirius reach between them for something, Harry beat a fast retreat, shutting the door behind him as quietly as possible.

***

"Was that who I thought it was?" Remus asked softly, arching up for a kiss.

Sirius lowered his hips and his body simultaneously to grant Remus the kiss he desired. "I think it was," he replied after they had pulled apart.

"Well, Tonks talked to him and he knows..." Remus said, cupping Sirius's arse to increase their rhythm.

"And my godson just saw my arse."

Remus slapped Sirius's arse playfully. "Oh will you be serious for a change? And don't even say it either or I'll smack you."

Sirius opened his mouth to speak and Remus leaned up to kiss him, silencing him. They came together as they always did, falling into each other's arms for a few moments of blissful peace. They could deal with the fall-out of Harry later. For now, it was just them.

***

Harry walked back downstairs, white as a ghost. His hand gripped the banister, feet moving along the floorboards without really watching where he was going. Tonks watched Harry's movements with an amused smile playing about her lips. As far as she was concerned, this was his own damn fault. She had warned him but he had gone upstairs to see for himself.

He had brought the visual scarring of his virgin eyes on himself.

"Don't blame me," Tonks said, conjuring up a cup of hot chocolate for Harry but managing only a weak tea instead. "You're the one who wanted to see if they were really shagging."

Harry glared at her. "Don't remind me."

Tonks shrugged. "Think now you'll learn to be a tad more observant?" Harry just glowered. "Imagine, Harry Potter. Can defeat Voldemort twice but can't even figure out his godfather and the man his godfather's living with are fucking... and he's been living with them for two years." Tonks snorted. "And I thought I was dense."

"Sod off."

Tonks grinned. "That's what your godfather's doing upstairs."

Harry let out a howl of frustration. "I just can't win."