Searching for a Balance

Author: Marauder
Rating: NC-17
Archiving: All FQF will be archived solely at this site until September 30th, 2004. At that point, the author may post the fic elsewhere or may be contacted to have this fic archived at different sites if they so choose.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. I do not own Harry Potter, its characters, or anything associated with it. I'm not making any money from this story, and I don't intend to.
Challenge & Summary: Full Moon 8 - Remus gets quite demanding around the full moon.
Author Notes: This fic is dedicated to the members of Fiction Alley痴 HMS Wolfstar, for their constant support and never-ending love of Sirius/Remus.


You know what I知 going to do after I graduate? Go into the Ministry. No, really, I知 going to go into the Ministry and let them think I知 good and obedient and on their side. Flatter my way into a top position. Then, before they know what hit them, I値l revise every single werewolf law on the books so that they値l have to treat Remus like a human being for once in his life.

(If I have time, I might legalize the flying motorbike, but that痴 not the priority.)

Remus is in my bed Remus is in my bed! Remus is in my bed! in my new house in my new house! in my new house! and his head is resting on my stomach. We池e both naked, both worn out from incredibly good orgasms, and I知 stroking his hair. It痴 wavy, not straight like mine, and I like to feel the texture of it. Like the way he lets out that little contented sigh, too.

的t痴 still dangerous, Sirius, he says.

擢rom what I can tell, it痴 only dangerous if you don稚 get what you want, I say. 的値l give you what you want. Usually saying something like that would get me hard but it痴 still too soon after the last time.

添ou値l agree to have sex whenever I want it, wherever I want it, however I want it, for the three days until the full moon?

That痴 one of the little problems with Moony. Whenever he tries to talk me out of something, he usually ends up making it sound really good.

添eah, I agree. Definitely.

Just before the full moon, werewolves start becoming a little more animal-like. Stronger instincts, less self-control, although they池e still human and mostly act like it. Instead of backing off and letting werewolves make their own decisions that would mean treating them like people, I suppose the bloody Ministry requires them to take these goddamn pills that are supposed to stabilize them. Liars. Instinct says food werewolves take these pills and they still get hungry. Instinct says sex Remus takes the pills and you壇 think he was looking at Snivellus in a thong. Nothing whatsoever. One time I sucked on him for a full five minutes, just in case. Nope. Soft.

He痴 not supposed to be here right now, he痴 supposed to be in Yorkshire with Wormtail. He痴 only going to be here nine days, this being day one, and I値l be damned if he spends one-third of the visit as a eunuch. Not in my house. It isn稚 natural.

典his isn稚 a game, Padfoot, he says, shifting his head. 典o the wolf part of me, you池e my mate, and you池e submissive to me because you belong to a domesticated species. I don稚 want to hurt you.

展hy would you?

展hat if I want you all the time? You池e going to be pretty sore after three days.

If I could survive that time on the diving board in the prefects bathroom, I can survive this. 的t痴 a risk I知 willing to take. Better than no sex at all. Not that I only like Remus for the sex anyone says that and I値l hex them into oblivion. I love him. I love every part of him. I hate the Ministry for trying to change who he is.

He sighs. 的f anything happens, remember that this was your idea.

My fingers run over his hair excitedly. 鉄o we can do it?

的f you promise to take full responsibility, yes.

I知 happy. I知 hard again. I pull at the sheets and see that he is too. 敵et over here, I say, grinning. He sits up and climbs into my lap.

He doesn稚 stay there for too long, though; within a couple of minutes he痴 lying on his back with my head between his hips, my tongue teasing the tip of his cock. Remus groans and starts twisting my hair between his fingers. Suck.

This sounds sort of weird, considering that most of the time my first reaction to a command is to smirk, but I love being ordered around during sex. I love being tied up, too. I値l be Moony痴 willing prey whenever he wants.

Although sometimes the mood hits differently, and then I知 an evil tease, slowly sliding my hand up and down Remus痴 cock while he begs for me to go faster. I always do after his voice gets more desperate and pleading than it did the last time.

I start thrusting my head back and forth, taking him in about halfway and then pulling back. Can稚 get the whole thing in my mouth, ever I start gagging and then it痴 either retreat or choke. My tongue wiggles against the thick vein on the underside of his erection. Moony loves that.

徹h GodSiriusoh, that feels goodIharderdon稚 stop, keep doing what you池e doingohI love youyesharder, damn it!

As soon as he starts to swear I know he値l come in the next couple of minutes. The fingers of his other hand, the hand that isn稚 pulling my hair, are digging into my shoulder. He told me on the train coming back from Hogwarts last month that he痴 going to get us a toy this summer, provided he can sneak out to the sex shop five streets away from his house. Ickle Remus the studious prefect

Before I know it his semen is shooting into my mouth; the second it stops I lunge for the wastepaper basket. Prongs has this book, Passions After Sunset, and it describes it as tasting salty. I don稚 know who the author of that book was sucking on, but Remus痴 tastes bitter. Forget about swallowing. Just not going to happen.

He rubs my back tenderly as I spit again. 添ou could have pulled back, you know.

的 know. But what fun is that for him? I can稚 get a pretty average-sized cock down my throat, I can稚 swallow the least I can do is not pull away when he痴 having an orgasm. Moony never has a problem swallowing. It痴 incredible. Maybe I taste better or something. (He can稚 get me all the way down his throat, though. I知 betting that Passions After Sunset book just makes things up. Then again, we致e only been having sex the last few months, so maybe after a while we値l be able to do it.)

He leans over to go down on me but I stop him and put his hand on my cock. I feel like kissing him and letting those long, quick fingers bring me off.

~~*~~

Sometime in the early hours of the morning I wake up to find that two of those same fingers are up my arse. Apparently instinct has kicked in.

敵ood morning to you too, I say, pushing back on the fingers. Oh, that feels good. Right there. God, Remus, you little hedonist.

He responds by running his tongue down my neck and spreading my legs further apart; we池e both lying on our sides and he痴 behind me. There痴 an insistence to his touch that tells me he痴 probably been waiting for a while, trying not to wake me up. 添ou池e so tight, he whispers. 天ery good. Before I know what痴 happening he adds a third finger and shoves all three hard against my prostate. I scream and he claps the other hand over my mouth. 添ou don稚 want to wake anyone up.

典here aren稚 any neighbors in seven miles, I say as clearly as I can against his palm, my breath shaky and my limbs shuddering. 迭emus, please

That痴 all the encouragement he needs. His fingers pull out, I hear him squeezing more lubricant, and

I知 skewered. Impaled. Moony takes his hand from my mouth and I start wailing, that痴 how tight and ready to come I am. When I start thrusting back he grabs my hips and steadies me so he can go at his own pace. Which is fast, and rough.

展as this slam what you wanted, Sirius? I can feel his breath hot in my ear; he lunges so fast I feel like he痴 going to split me open, and that I知 going to like it.

擢aster Moony, please faster

I致e been on my side, not completely without control. He shoves me onto my stomach and climbs on top. With each thrust my entire body is pushed further and further into the mattress.

迭EMUS!

鄭re you going to come for me, Padfoot?

So close, I知 so close. 添ES!

He pulls back I gasp and then his cock rams into me and I explode. The wet heat drenches my chest and the sheets beneath it. Remus growls approvingly, and then he痴 coming too, making my entire body shake. When it痴 finished he doesn稚 move for a minute, doesn稚 pull out of my arse. He痴 trembling. I reach back to hold his hand, which he likes, sighing softly. Slowly he slips out and rolls me onto my back.

鄭re you all right, love?

I take a deep breath and nod.

的 wasn稚 too rough? He looks almost a little scared.

哲o, Moony, it was really good. Rough but not so much it hurt.

Remus nods, relieved. 徹kay.

After sex we always clean each other up. He does me first, dabbing at my stomach and chest with a washcloth from the pile by the side of the bed. I get a bowl of warm water from the bathroom and wash his cock. When I知 done he kisses my forehead and cleans up the sheets with his wand. Then he pulls the top sheet over us and up to my chin, and presses my head against his chest.

I never mind this, when he tucks me in like I知 a little kid. No one in my family ever bothered.

~~*~~

When I wake up in the morning I知 alone in the bed, which I hate, but then Remus comes in the door and says that breakfast is ready, which makes it better. I jump out of bed and grab my dressing gown.

My house is an old Victorian summer cottage. The porch is big and wraps around the whole house. Remus has made scrambled eggs with buttered toast, and next to my plate there痴 a little blue flower on a slender stem.

No one ever asks me why I love Moony. It痴 pretty obvious. Granted, it痴 not always so obvious to other people why he loves me, but I think I知 getting better.

敵ood idea, breakfast on the porch, I say as I sit down. It痴 a little uncomfortable, the sitting, but it痴 not as bad as it could be, believe me.

I reach for my toast and then suddenly he says, 鉄irius, get down on your knees.

Which of course is a good thing to say, but wolves do realize that their mates need to eat, right? 徹ne minute, just let me eat this toast, okay?

Not okay. Remus shoves back his chair and comes over to mine. 添ou can eat after, he whispers intensely. 迭ight now you池e going to go down on me.

I take a bite of the toast, thinking maybe I can eat it fast. My stomach is growling and so is Remus. He yanks the toast from my hand and lets in fall, getting the butter all over the tablecloth. 泥amn it, Sirius, if I tell you you池e going to suck me that means you do it. His hands grasp my upper arms and pull me out of my seat; once I知 not sitting he pushes my shoulders, hard. I fall to my knees and he practically rips his dressing gown open. 撤ut it in your mouth.

With my luck, I think as he thrusts past my lips, my first unexpected visitor ever will show up right now. 鉄orry, Professor Dumbledore, Remus and I won稚 be able to come to Hogwarts for our seventh year this fall. 徹h? And why is that, Sirius? 展e池e doing two years hard labor in a Muggle prison, sir. 敵ood heavens! How on earth did you end up in a Muggle prison? 展ell, sir, you see, Remus痴 wolf instincts needed head. Pause. 溺inerva? Could you do me a favor, please? Get me a large brandy no, two large brandies. Thank you very much.

Wait, does anyone even get sentenced to two years hard labor anymore?

Moony痴 head is thrown back, and he痴 moaning. Then he thrusts again, and this time it痴 all the way down my throat. I gag; he holds my head in place and won稚 pull back. Every time his cock touches that tickle-y place in the back of my mouth he groans louder and my eyes water. I think I might be sick. 添ou池e going to swallow, he whispers.

Maybe, if I don稚 die first. I rub all over his balls and thighs, hoping it値l make him come faster. He痴 so far in that my lips are pressed against the hair at the base of his cock. God, he has to come, tears are streaming down my face and onto the ancient wood of the floor. When he does, a second later, I have no choice but to swallow. It痴 hot as it slides down my throat. Luckily none of it touches my tongue, and I never taste it.

Remus takes a shaky step backwards, and I hastily pull my head back. He sits down, looking a little dazed as his brown eyes blink rapidly. Too rapidly. 的 can稚 believe I did that.

I reach out for his hand. 鼎an I have the toast now?

He doesn稚 take my hand, he stands up and goes for the door. 典hat痴 it, I知 taking the pills.

Shit. 溺oony, don稚!

的 have to, he says, shaking his head. 哲either of us have any control over this situation and I don稚 like it. With that he shuts the door behind him. I leap up and run after.

添ou池e not going to be able to stop me, Padfoot, he says when he sees I致e followed him into the bedroom. The bottle of pills, sickly-green glass, is grasped in his hand. 的 am not going to force you to do things you don稚 want.

展ait! I protest. 的t wasn稚 bad! All right, I choked a bit, but it wasn稚 like you raped me.

添ou hate swallowing. I made you swallow. End of story. Remus pulls the cork out of the bottle. 填sually I hate the Ministry but this time they池e right.

鄭ny organization that includes members of my family can稚 be right. Remus, love, you aren稚 yourself when you take those pills.

His eyes meet mine. 的知 not myself when I don稚.

He looks so beautiful, that slight flush in his cheeks and his hair still messy from sleep. He痴 one of the best things that ever happened to me and no Ministry is going to change that. But if I stop him from taking the pills then I値l be forcing him into something he doesn稚 want, and I don稚 want to do that to him any more than he wants to do it to me. I sit down on the bed. 滴ere, come on, in my lap.

When he does he sits with his legs over to one side, not straddling. It痴 not that kind of lap-sitting. 的 hate all this sometimes.

鄭ll this, meaning being a werewolf. He hates it all the time. It痴 only sometimes that it slaps him in the face. 的 know you do, Moony.

的 love you.

My sweet Remus. 的 love you too. Remus rests his head on my shoulder. 滴ow many of those pills are you supposed to take each day? I ask.

典wo.

溺aybe you should try just taking one. If anything weird happens you can take two tomorrow and two the next day, and I won稚 complain.

After a few minutes of slowly rocking back and forth, he agrees.

~~*~~

Neither of us know, as we finally have our breakfast on the porch, that the one pill is going to give both of us what we want. We don稚 know about the great sex we値l have in the shower just a few hours later, or about tomorrow when he値l bend me over the bench in the garden and find it funny when my climax lands on the grass. We don稚 know about the dinner that ends with desperately needed shagging on the dining room table and we have no idea that we値l swim in a pond and make love on the bank. But as he pours me a glass of orange juice and pauses for a kiss I know that I love him; and perhaps a part of me knows how my love will endure the coming years and finally pass into eternity, into the place beyond the veil where our souls will whisper and laugh.

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