The Care and Feeding of Sirius Black

Author: Rowann
Rating: PG-13
Archiving: All FQF will be archived solely at this site until September 30th, 2004. At that point, the author may post the fic elsewhere or may be contacted to have this fic archived at different sites if they so choose.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. I do not own Harry Potter, its characters, or anything associated with it. I'm not making any money from this story, and I don't intend to.
Challenge & Summary: New Moon #3 - Sirius returns from the veil but has no remembrance of his past as Sirius. Lots of angst and some fluffiness…

He paced back and forth in front of the gateway. His steps were tentative in nature as he sniffed at the old worn fabric that marked the veil and sneezed.

Smells like this place...but I expect I've smelled worse...

The place behind his left ear itched and he sat on his hunches to scratch it. He sneezed again and stared at the fabric to see if it would move once more...

Occasionally, while he dozed, he would hear soft murmurs, more like whispers in the night...voices that sounded vaguely familiar, if only he could place them! He would bark loudly and the voices would cease and return again, only increasing in number and intensity...if only he could make them out...

At last! It's my master!
No, that's not right. I have no master.

He would whimper at the thought that no one loved him enough to come looking for him.

It was always the same...
For as long as he could remember...
But today, it would be different...

Today, he would try to look on the other side of the curtain...
Today, he would find out who the voices belonged to…
Today, he would go home.

But, were was home?

His aching legs walked slowly up to the old worn curtain...he wouldn't look behind him anymore...

Only look at what's ahead.
Don't look back.
What ever happens, don't look back...

The overly long claws of his paw grazed the old fabric threatening to place yet another tear in it. He flinched when the fabric seemed to reach out playfully and he barked at it (removed the word again.). Again, he heard a lone man's excited voice.

If only he could make out what the man was saying...

He circled the arch one more time and trotted away from it. Sitting back on his haunches he scratches at his ear one more time for luck and bolts as fast as his weary paws could carry him toward the worn-old curtain, up the steps …


He skidded to an abrupt halt and his hackles rose. He bared his teeth, and he growled.

"Easy Snuffles-surely you remember me? It's me, Ron! Harry's mate!" The man held out his hand for the old graying dog to sniff.
He really wanted to trust this man-he really did. He was so lonely...he took a step and Ron leaned in and touched his cold, wet nose.

He bolted backward again.

The man...he's unhappy...
Oh no!
I've made him unhappy...

A door opened and closed again and soon a new scent was in the air. He looked up and saw an old man standing on the steps, his mouth agape.

"Merlin's beard," he whispered. "Is it-really-him?"

"Yes Remus, it's him, he's still got that silly old band with the star charm 'round his neck. But I don't think he knows who we are anymore-" Ron said sadly.

"Well it has been a long time, but he might in a little while. Better take off-" Ron nodded Remus motioned toward one of the many doors behind him as he descended the stairs. "Oh by the way, don't forget to tell Harry-"

"Oh yeah! Well-I thought I'd save it for till morning," he teased, his green eyes wide with excitement.

Harry would certainly want to be here for the reunion...But it would have to wait until the full moon passed. Soon, Remus was alone with the old dog. Remus approached Snuffles cautiously. "Easy, you old bugger-It's me-you remember your old mate, Moony?"

Remus' bones cracked a bit as he moved to get on all fours. "Only for you would I even be caught dead in this undignified position, you soddy old mutt," he said affectionately.

He liked this man's voice. And he approached and sniffed the closed hand that was outstretched. "I thought you were lost to me-" Remus wept into the large dog's fur. Snuffles head cocked to the was...familiar, his scent. Warm and sweet. Like a good, still-warm meaty bone. Where had he smelled this before...? Was this man his Master?

"I've dreamed about this you know," he said, his bony fingers sinking into the still thick fur. He sneezed and Snuffles flinched. "Sorry mate. I've a cold. Just got it today of all days-probably a good thing too. Gods, I bet you stink-probably haven't had a bath since-since-well damn. How long has it been, twenty-three years?"

Snuffles barked and wagged his tail. Finally, he licked Remus' face.

"My sentiments exactly."

Finally, he reached for his wand and removed his clothing and Snuffles took the old thread-bare robe and undergarments carefully into his mouth and moved it to the other side of the room. He looked around and heard voices again...this time they were in his head...people yelling, a strong voice of a man, and the shrill voice of a woman...But the memory was just out of reach...

"Here Pads, take my wand and hide it-I suppose I should've had Ron take it-I'm getting a bit forgetful in my old age. Speaking of old age, happy birthday, ye-ole-mutt."

Snuffles watched the transformation from human-to-werewolf and while he couldn't appreciate what was happening, he sensed that he had seen this happened before.

His tail wagged slowly and his nose nervously twitched as he crawled over to the old gray, coiled up on the floor near the arch. Moments later, Snuffles curled up and fell asleep, his head laying on the old thickened fur of the soon sleeping were.

He dreamed of someplace warm and inviting...of boys' laughter and shiny things and fireplaces and food...lots and lots of good food....

He woke to feeling the touch of many loving hands coursing through his thick fur and he rolled over onto his back for a belly rub. He heard the laughter of children and soft voices and loving words...He looked up and saw a wiry man and a little boy and two girls petting his belly.

"Oi Sirius, enough is enough! Transform already!"

He looked up, having heard Remus' voice...what was he saying? Trans-what?

The man looked up at Remus, too. "What if he doesn't remember how? What if he doesn't remember us?"

"I expect that it is a very real possibility that he does not, Harry-it's been such a long time. We could transform him into his human form, I suppose. But he's not going to like it-at all. Best get the little ones out of here first."

Harry looked to his wife and nodded. She had heard many old stories about his godfather...many of them she could recite by rote, better than he himself could, but that was only because he would become so miserable that he wouldn't be able to finish them.

With the children were safely removed, Remus and Harry withdrew their wands and cast a restoring spell: "REVEALIO IMEDAMENTE!"

At once, Snuffles didn't feel so good...and he panicked.
What was happening to him!
What had these men done to him!
He thought they were his friends!
He thought...
...He had a headache and soon, his hands found his head. "Arrrg. Bloody hell."

"Welcome back," Remus said softly, his eyes brimming with tears he thought were long dried.

Sirius looked up, annoyed. "Gee thanks. Who the hell are you?"

Remus looked at the floor and sighed. "My name is RJ Lupin, at your service." He re-sheathed his wand and extended his hand to Sirius as he tried to get to his feet.

He barked a laugh. "Lupin! Sounds wolfy!"

Remus smiled, a single tear threatening to streak his face. "You said that the first time too-"

"First time?"


"Right. Of course. And you-who are you?" He looked at a very hopeful Harry as his face fell. "Don't tell me you're my kid or something?"

"Something like that. Actually, I am your godson."

Sirius scratched his head behind his left ear. "Godson-hmm," he mused. "So godson, you got a name?"

"I'm Harry. Just Harry."

"Harry, just Harry-" he pondered. "Nope doesn't ring a bell. Where the hell are we anyway and how the hell did you do what you did back there!"

"You're in the Hall of Mysteries-"

"Right-" He smoothed out his tattered robe, became quickly flustered, and pulled it over his head, revealing a well-worn pair of jeans and black sleeveless tee-shirt that boasted The Weird Sisters. He clicked his tongue at the shape of his clothing, that it looked three sizes too big.

Remus hands went to his hips. "Bloody hell Black, will you let me fucking finish!"

Never having heard his old Professor swear, or even raise his voice, Harry stepped away from Remus.

"By all means," Sirius says curtly. "Be my guest." His hands went to his hips.

"We're in the Hall of Mysteries, located in the Ministry of Magic in London England-"

"Uh huh. Well Harry, just Harry, what do you make of all that rubbish?"

"Rubbish! Bloody hell! I'd have thought you'd be a bit more grateful!"

"Grateful! Well, I suppose I could be a bit more so if I could get a meal and a bath, a decent smoke, a stiff drink and a good shag. Then, I might be a bit more grateful!"

"Merlin's beard," Remus sighed, a half smile on his face. "Glad to see you're still-you-"

Looking at Remus and returning the half-smile he said, "so I take it you know me too?"

"Well, yes. As a matter of fact, I do."

"Oh yeah?" Sirius took a step toward the frail-looking man in the tattered robes. "How well do you know me, eh?"

He was so close to Remus that he could feel his warm breath on his face.

"Very well."

"Erm, should I leave you two alone," Harry asked, his face flushed.

"What? Oh hell no. I'm not into blokes," Sirius said laughing.

"Oh yes you are," Remus mused, his brow arched.

Sirius nervously barked yet another laugh. "Oh and I suppose you would know?"

"How else?"

"Prove it then! How big's my willy?"

"Bigger than a baby's arm," he said grinning. Harry groaned.

Sirius' brow arched elegantly over his left eye and he pulled his fingers through his hair and grimaced. He badly wanted that bath. "What's the matter with the lad?"

"He didn't know."

"Oh-so I kept this relationship from my own godson-? That's no sayin' a whole lot, mate."

"The name's Harry and he's right, I didn't know. 'Mione always said-but I never believed." He blushed.

"Ah--you must be hungry," Remus said, quickly changing the subject.

"Yeah I am, actually," Sirius said, plopping on the floor, next to to pile of discarded fabric that was his robes.

Remus produced a corned beef butty and a flagon of ice-cold spring water. Sirius devoured the offering of food and guzzled the water, finishing with a very loud, un-dignified belch.

"Ah-that hit the spot! What's your name again, Wolfy?"

"Remus-Remus Lupin. Professor Remus Lupin-"

"Well hells bells! I had me a bloody Prof! What the hell do you think about that, Harry, just Harry!"

"Lovely," he said rolled his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Aw now! Don't be like that!" He stood and chucked the younger man on his shoulder. He returned his gaze to the mild-mannered man standing before him. "You're serious?"

"No, I'm Remus. You're Sirius."

"What's that?"

"Your name, its Sirius Black."

"What the hell kind of name is that! Sirius Black-me mum must not have liked me too much-" he laughed.

"Actually, no. She did not. But that is not why you are so named," an ancient-looking man said to him.

Sirius whipped around and eyed the strangely dress old man. "And you are-?"

"Albus Dumbledore."

"Ah ha. Let me guess, you know me too?"

"I do, yes. Welcome back, my boy! Welcome back!" He embraced Sirius, who held his arms stiffly at his sides.

"Erm-thanks, I think. And how do I know you?"

"I was your old Headmaster. I am of course, retired now."

"Oh, of course. So you were a Headmaster-" he mused. "Of what school?"

"Why Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, of course!" He handed Sirius a newly conjured pack of cigarettes.

He nodded and tore into the pack, lighting a fag, inhaling a little too deeply, stinging his lungs. "Uh huh-So, you're a-what are you, anyway-all dressed like you are?"

"We're all wizards Sirius," Harry offered. "You're a wizard, too."

"Right." He blew smoke rings and tried to catch them in his mouth. Harry watched, totally bewildered.

"I was just about to demonstrate the fine art of apparation to Sirius," Remus offered to his old Headmaster.

"You think that wise, Remus? So soon?"

"Well, he's always been one to jump in with both feet, hasn't he?"

Dumbledore nodded and stroked his beard. "Ah-best stand back Harry. As I recall, Sirius didn't take this well the first time-"


"I'll show you. Hold on to me."

"Oh I bet you'd like that, ye fucking pouf."

"Yes I would, but all in good time. This is necessary. I'm going to take you someplace."

"Not bloody likely."

"Come on, Sirius. Just to the other side of the room, is all."

"Huh?" Remus grabbed him and disapparated up to the doors and released Sirius immediately. "What the hell is this shite!"

"It's magic, Sirius. Actually, it is a process known as apparation. It's so intricate, one must be licensed in order to-"

Sirius took a step back. "You're bloody nutters mate! Don't touch me again! You hear? I'll clean your clock with me fist! I swear it!"

"Easy, Sirius-come on now." He looked to Harry. "He had this reaction the first time too."

"You got licensed first," Harry asked.

"Yes, I'm a little older, you see-"

"Bloody hell! You're all so fucking calm about it all!" Sirius stared at the three wizards.

"Well of course," he said gently. "I'm a trained educator, Sirius. I do this on a daily basis-"

"Well, don't do it to me again. Ever!" He balled up his fist and held it up. "I mean it-"

"Well it certainly wouldn't be the first time you've cleaned my clock old friend," Remus said chuckling, and held up his hands, "very well, Padfoot-very well."

"Padfoot! I thought you said I was Sirius!"

Remus looked at Harry and Dumbledore and sighed. "We're going to have to start from scratch. Looks like it's going to be a long day."

"Just don't let old Moody hear that his wand's was in his back pocket," Harry nodded as he whispered. "He'll pitch a bloody fit."

Albus' eyes twinkled as did Remus' as they nodded in agreement.

Remus took Sirius to the house at 12 Grimmauld Place and at once, Sirius hated being there. "This place feels-vile. Why the hell did you bring me here!"

"This is your house, Sirius."

"Bullocks too! There's no bloody way in hell I would willingly live here!"

"Well," Remus said, leading him up the stairs, "that's an accurate statement. Still, it is what it is."

He put Sirius to bed in his old room and went to his own and prepared the pensieve for the next day.

Remus looked up into the bright blue sky and squinted in the rare sunshine that peeked through the tiny spaces between the buildings...It's going to be a good day, he thought...The clouds were white and puffy, not the gray blanket that usually hung in the sky. He removed his jumper and wrapped the sleeves around his waist and continued his trek down the old city street.

He watched the traffic pass by him as he continued the walk to his Grandparent's house.

Sirius stared out his bedroom window at the muggle children on their bicycles and roller skates and sighed.

He wanted to be one of them.

He removed his elegant robes and went to his hiding place and located the blue denim jeans and black cotton tee shirt that boasted Jimi Hendrix and quickly donned them. He removed his highly polished leather shoes and replaced them with the black Converse trainers that he had bartered for...he traded a deck of magic cards for them. He thought he got the better deal, especially since the cards were going to lose their magic soon anyway.

He put his ear to his bedroom door and listened carefully for signs of life in the corridor. He went to another hiding place and took out the eight-track tape of muggle heavy metal and shoved it into his pocket. Into the other pocket, he shoved a few quid and walked toward the door. He listened again and hearing nothing, he opened it again and found Kreature staring up at him. He grimaced.

"Young Master is going to steal away again?"

"Yes, so if it's all the same to you, piss off!"

"Kreature shall inform Mistress-"

Sirius glided past him, careful not to touch the vile thing and waved his hand in the air, ending with two fingers up raised in defiance. "You do that."

He skipped down the stairs and had the misfortune of meeting up with his younger brother. "Where are you going," he asked, following him down the stairs.


"Can I come too?"


"Why not?"

"Because. Because I-I said so."

"You're mean!"

Sirius turned on his younger brother and pointed his finger in his face. "HA! You have absolutely no idea what it means to have someone be mean to you, Reg! I just want to go outside and play is all-what's wrong with that?"

"I want to play too!"

"Reg, come on, mate-I want to play with kids my age-"

Regulus pouted. "I'm going to tell mother on you."


Regulus took a deep breath...

"Oh all right! But you can not go out looking like that! Go get a pair of trousers on-the black ones and put on a white shirt. And if you tell anyone, I'll put a kappa in your bath tonight!"

"Yes Sirius!" The child was ecstatic that his older brother was going to allow him to tag along. "Where are we going!"

"I dunno yet. Hurry up or I'm leaving with out you!"

Remus stared into the large glass window of the sweets shop, his tummy grumbling. "Gram, can I have a sweet?"

"Of course, love-"

The old woman escorted by her only Grandson walked into the sweets shop and smiled at the two ebony-haired boys waiting to pay for their lollies and gum at the counter. She thought the boys were quite handsome.

Sirius looked up at the old woman and smiled and looked at they boy standing next to her. He looked away to see what his brother was getting into, but his gaze was pulled back to the boy with honey-colored hair. He's a wizard, he thought. Wonder if he knows?

Sirius watched the boy from an outside table at the ice cream parlor. He occasionally looked up to see if Sirius was staring...he was, of course and the boy with the honey-colored hair looked away.

"What are you looking at?"

"That boy-he's like us."


"The old woman isn't."

"Oh." He turned his nose. "You know what that means-"

"Yes I do and if you say it out loud, I'll bloody your hooter, Reg!"

"...mudblood," he whispered, watching Sirius' fist ball up and come just shy of connecting with his nose, being stopped by the hand of the honey-colored haired boy.

"That's not very nice you know," he said quietly to Sirius.

"Neither is what he was about to call you."

"I've heard far worse." He shrugged and smiled sadly. "My name's Remus, Remus Lupin," the boy said quietly.

"Lupin! Sounds wolfy!" Sirius joked and saw the boy frown and instantly was sorry that he said anything at all.

Regulus took a deep breath again, intent on calling the quiet boy some magical obscenity just as Sirius adeptly covered his mouth with his elegant hand. "I'm Sirius and this is-nobody."

Regulus struggled to free himself from his brother's iron-grip. "I'm going to tell mother on you!"

"No you won't or I'll never take you for sweets again!" He turned to Remus and pointed to his brother, "do you have one of these?"

Remus smiled and giggled as he licked the melting chocolate ice cream dripping down his wrist.

Sirius sat on the edge of his chair and cracked his neck. He reached toward the nearby table and grabbed the pack of cigarettes and lit one quickly.

"How's it going?"

"Slow, Moony. Slow."

"You'll get there. I have faith in you."

"And I have a headache. It's too much to take in all at once-"

"Now, that's not the Sirius Black I once knew."

"Perhaps I'm not the Sirius Black you once knew."

"That remains to be seen, doesn't it?"

Sirius couldn't sleep. Tomorrow, he would be on the train bound for Hogwarts. He paced the floor incessantly and imagined of the all adventures he would have...

Remus sat balled up in the corner, nervously watching the sun peek through the curtains of his bedroom window. He heard a knock and his mother opened the door and peeked in, fully expecting to find her son fast asleep. "Have you been like that all night, Remus?"

He looked up frightened. "Yes ma'am."

"Come on, then-" She held out her hand to her only son and watched with sadness as he rose from the floor with some difficulty. He let her lead him to the kitchen where a lovely breakfast of eggs, sausages and toast awaited him.

Sirius' eyes searched the crowd for a familiar face...any face would do. He found himself looking up into the pale blue eyes of Lucius Malfoy. "I am supposed to see that you get to the train. Come one and don't dawdle!" He looked back to find the younger boy struggling with his trunk; he rolled his eyes... "You're slowing me down, Black! Hurry up!"

"I'm bloody-well coming! You could help me you know!"

"Why would I want to do that?"

"Oh, I dunno---'cause I'm so bloody slow?"

"Well, you are that-" His eyes searched the crowd and he whistled. "GOYLE!"

The heavy-set boy came running up to the upper classman. "Yes Sir!"

"See to it that Black's trunk makes it to the platform and be quick about it! I want to get a good seat! Move it!"

The boy twice Sirius' size bowed slightly. "Yes, Sir-" He turned and sneered at the young nobleman .

Sirius bellied up to Goyle. "Well, what are you lookin' at! You heard 'im! Move it!"

Malfoy chuckled, "You'll make a fine Slytherin, Sirius!"

Sirius glared at his older cousin inwardly.

Remus had found an empty compartment and sat down, grateful to finally be alone. He closed his eyes to collect his thoughts when the door burst open and he slowly opened his eyes to find him looking into the silver-colored eyes again.

"Oh hey! It's you! I was wondering if I'd see you here," he said, closing the door behind him.

Remus smiled shyly again. "No little brat along this time?"

"NO! Thank the Gods! He's a pain! Plus, he's too young," he added.

Remus nodded. "Yes, I forgot. This is all so new-"

Sirius sat opposite him and fired off many questions to which he barely gave Remus time to answer...How long had he known he was a wizard, what was his favorite subject, was he poor-given the shape of his ruck, Sirius felt compelled to ask...what did he want to be when he grew up...?

"Normal," Remus sighed.

Sirius stared at him for a moment and shrugged his shoulders. "When I grow up, I'm going to be an Auror! Do you know that that is? They get the bad guys-"

Two minutes into the interview, another boy opened the door. He stuck his head in and looked at the two boys already seated.

"Oi! Mind if I barge in? The other's are full up-"

Sirius shrugged and moved to the other side, almost sitting on Remus. "Sorry mate-" Remus merely nodded.

Potter and Black finally getting a real good look at the other, both grimaced. Finally, Sirius stood, his hand outstretched. "The name's Black. Sirius Black. And I'm NOT going to be a bloody Slytherin!"

Potter laughed at the pretty boy. "Right-it's in your blood Black. You won't be able to help yourself!"

"Bet you-I'll kill myself if that bloody hat places me there!"

Potter laughed heartily and reached out to shake his hand... "You're on!"

Sirius removed his gaze from the pensieve and looked over toward Remus. "So, that was him," he said quietly. "The boy I killed-Harry's father?"

"You didn't kill him, Padfoot. Voldemort did."

"I read your journals last night-I know what you thought of me-" he said quietly.

"Well, that's what I thought back then. If you look again, you'll see more-" he said, nodding toward the bowl of silvery liquid. "Look for the Shack-look for Harry-"

Sirius not wanting to merely shook his head. "Why do I want to know your memories?"

"Because," he said nuzzling his face into Sirius' long shining hair. "I said so," he joked. "Come on, it's who you are-it's who we once were-"

Sirius barked a laugh and nodded. "Oh, what the hell. Why not? But I gotta know-"

"What's that?"

"How is it that you have my memories in there too?"

"They're not your memories. They're mine. You just told me what happened-what you've seen is how I imagined it was for you-"

Sirius nodded and looked thoughtful. "Oh. That makes sense, I guess."

At a table for four, Sirius saw himself seated across from Remus with two pretty girls seated on either side of them; the one he had come to recognize as Lily Evans and the other Penelope Boyette, Remus' muggle cousin. It became clear to him that Lily was at the table only to annoy Potter who would be making his grand entrance soon. Remus' cousin was clearly with Sirius (anything to piss off his parents, he said once...a muggle girlfriend was the perfect way to get that accomplished). Remus sat directly across from him and stared in his direction.

"What's wrong with your bacon butty? Soggy? I bet they put too much sauce on it again." When Penelope didn't get a response, she nudged her cousin. "Hello, Penny to Rem-hello, is there anyone home?"

Remus' trance-like state was broken as he realized he was staring at his closest friend. "Oh, sorry," he mumbled and immediately tore into his sandwich.

Sirius looked at his friend, slightly concerned. "Not feelin' well, Moony?"

"No, not really. I must be coming down with something."

"Maybe. But whatever it is-don't give it to me," he joked.

Remus tried to smile at his friend's poor attempt at cheering him up.

The silvery light in the pensieve swirled again and Sirius found himself seated at the same table, Penny to his left and Remus to her left; they were older this time. Again, he was gazing at Sirius, pretending to be interested in the goings on in the street outside. Sirius sat silently, the shadow of this fringe making his brooding eyes dark and mysterious as they penetrated the core of Remus' very soul.

"Oi Moony," he said, "What's say we all go to the Cinema? There's a new film-what did you say the name of it was, Penny?"

"Star Wars-" she said, sipping her ginger ale.

"Yeah-supposed to be really good-"

Remus shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. You two go. I'll meet you back at school."

"Remus! You have to come! I mean-I came to see you-"

Sirius' eyes grew wide. "I thought you came to see me!"

"Well-yeah-you too-" she said sweetly, leaning in for a kiss.

"Well, good to know that I'm in your thoughts somewhere!"

She looked hard at her cousin. "Yes, you're there," she said.

He saw them in the theatre, Penny seated between them, holding a huge bag of pop corn in her lap, her eyes glued to the screen; her hand occasionally bringing the buttery treat to her lips. Sirius watched her as she ate the pop corn, how she licked her lips to remove the salty residue from them. He realized that they had the same mouth...the same nose...They could have passed for brother and sister, really. He looked at Remus, how he would hold out his hand for the waxed paper cup filled with Coke. How he took a really big sip, just like she did and take two swallows to get it down. He smiled remembering her mouth being filled with other things, namely himself. He found himself wondering if Remus' mouth was as soft as hers was. And when Remus excused himself to no one that he was headed for the loo, Sirius followed a moment later.

Sirius lowered the zipper of his fly and relieved himself as he looked over to Remus and found his eyes looking downward at the organ between the smaller boy's fingers. Remus' eyes slowly found what Sirius was looking at and he blushed.

"Like what you see, Padfoot?"

Sirius barked. "Yeah right," he said. "Interesting though. Why's it look like that?"

"Like what?"

"Not like mine."

"Oh because I'm circumcised?"

"Oh yeah, Penny mentioned that."

"How would she know!"

Sirius stuffed his hardened cock back into his jeans and closed the zipper. "You don't wanna know, Moony," he said affectionately.

"You're probably right, Paddy. I don't want to hear that you're shagging my cousin. Even if I already know it-I certainly don't want to hear about it."

Sirius went to the sink and checked his look in the mirror and he saw Remus come up behind him. "Move over," he said.

"What for?"

"Wanna wash up-"

"Sod off-"

"You sod off. Move-" He playfully shoved Sirius to the side and Sirius shoved back.


"Fine then." He moved behind Sirius and put his arms on either side of the larger boy and proceeded to wash his hands, deliberately saturating the front of Sirius' jeans.

Sirius closed his eyes and sighed, a half smile on his face at finally having felt that his friend was as hard as he was. He turned around and took Remus' face in his hands and savored the taste of his lips; the slight parting, the gentle clicking of teeth against teeth as the kiss became heated and finally the tongue war that ensued. Remus stood on his toes to be at the same height as his friend and Sirius bent his knees and pulled Remus tighter to him. He felt Sirius' large hands grasp his tight rear and he gasped, inhaling Sirius' tongue deeper into his mouth.

Remus broke the kiss. "Penny," he whispered.


"Do you love her, Sirius?"

"I don't know," he said honestly, shrugging. "I guess so."

He backed away with a look that conveyed this thought clearly to Sirius, You decide.

Remus walked out before him leaving Sirius alone in the loo.

"Everything ok, Rem?"

"Of course," he said, digging his hand into the popcorn. "Everything's fine now."

"That was our first kiss," Remus whispered, pleased that Sirius was smiling.



"Did you keep any memories of me in your head?"

"Yes, of course I did. Don't be silly-"

"But there are so many in there-" He pointed to the pensieve.

"We were together a long time."

"Did I love you?"

"You said you did. And I believed you."

He nodded, then he looked away to light a cigarette.

"I really wish-"

"Oh, don't start that again," he said wearily.

"What? I didn't say anything."

"You were going to say that you wished that I'd quit smoking-how the smoke permeates into everything-just like you-"


"-used to," he said slowly.

Remus smiled lovingly, having finally regained his devoted lover once again.

"What are you grinnin' at," Sirius asked.



"Just remembering is all."

"Oh yeah?" He turned in his chair and faced Remus, who merely nodded his head. His fingers once again traced the lines of Remus' face as his eyes closed and leaned in toward his touch. "Come 'ere," he whispered and pulled Remus to him for a lingering kiss, just like they used to do so many years ago in their youth; gentle at first, then becoming more heated...fingers tracing facial lines and the gentle pulling of hair...the feel of strong arms and legs pulling him closer...the feel of heated breath on Remus' exposed skin...

Remus let himself become lost in Sirius' passion...once again.

He was reminded of how possessive his Sirius could become, his temper threatening to frenzy over the littlest if anyone so much as thought about looking at his Moony...Part of that experience thrilled him, as it terrified him too...he wasn't sure if he wanted to be...possessed.

Sirius looked into Remus' trusting brown eyes, wondering how many times he had gazed into them...noticing the amber rings around his irises, how the rings had become more noticeable with the passing days as his transformation night drew closer. He smiled and laughed as his fingers releasing and gently combing through the light brown and gray tresses that was Remus' hair. His fingers tenderly traced the many scars that acknowledged Remus' life-long battle with his lycanthropy. His lips caressed each and every one of them as if he thought his kisses could heal...His gray eyes sparkled and he laughed out loud his happiness.

Remus thought his heart would break any second...that he would once again awaken...and that Sirius would once again vanish into the haze that had become his beautiful dream...and just like Sirius, he would cease to live and merely exist in the memories of others...

Thus, he willed himself to eternal slumber...

He was with his Sirius once more...

And nothing would separate them ever again.

Albus looked down at the body that once sheltered the soul of Professor Remus John Lupin. He returned the blue cotton flannel sheet that had been used to cover him. Molly was beside herself with grief having been the one who had found him, still clutching Sirius' photograph.

"He died in his sleep-" Minerva said, bringing a handkerchief to her eyes. "Of a broken heart, I imagine."

"Yes-" Albus took a long look at the photograph of the quartet that was Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs sitting in a frame on the night table.

My boys...they're all gone...

"You'll inform his Grandmother," she asked.



He nodded slowly, a glistening single tear gliding down onto his cheek and settling into his beard knowing that this loss might be the one that sends the boy over the edge.

The floo burst open into a fierce blue flame and they heard the elated voice of Arthur Weasley.


He sighed as he turned to face the floo and knelt down before the fire. "Yes Arthur?"

"I have wonderful news! You'll never believe it! Look!"

He pulled his head out of the fireplace and shoved a sickly-looking man with untrusting eyes before the fire.

Albus' heart sank lower into the very pit of his stomach having seen the very much alive face of one, Sirius Black.


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